So we just decided to cancel our weddings due to COVID-19. I have mixed emotions as I type these words with a tall glass of red wine to keep my company.
Our original dream in January 2020 was to have a destination wedding in Italy as if we were two simple romantics running away together. But that wasn’t feasible for most of our family, so we planned a second celebration locally in the Midwest to accommodate them. And after we were happy with our decision to have two ceremonies and tried to make our international dreams come true, on March 11th, 2020 COVID hit and had other plans.
We held onto hope as long as we could, but with travel to Europe still prohibited 6 months out – we had to make the tough decision to cancel. After weeks of sleepless nights and going back & forth we finally know this is the right thing to do. And we need to do the right thing.
Out of concern for our loved ones’ health and the unpredictability of international travel due to COVID-19, our Italy wedding had to be canceled & with that, we needed to start over stateside as well. So we actually canceled TWO WEDDINGS!
What was the tipping point on our decision to cancel?
Nick and I are both optimistic people. We originally gave ourselves the deadline of January 2021 to decide whether we would cancel our May 2021 Italy wedding. Secretly hoping the world might look different in a few months time with the election being past us and crossing our fingers for a released vaccine. I think giving yourself a deadline date is a smart way not to make a rash decision & give both partners time to come to conclusions on their own – before deciding together.
Our relationship grew stronger together as we held on to hope. Encouraging one another. Staying united as a team.
But a chance September catch up with a girlfriend would be the cold dose of reality I wasn’t prepared for. You see, I’m one of those people that – when I haven’t caught up with a friend in a while – I share everything like an open book; highs, lows, cheers, and deepest fears. I told her we were afraid we would have to cancel our wedding, but we would decide in January. My girlfriend I’ve known since college works in the medical field as a pediatric neurosurgeon and without hesitation, she responded with, “Caila the world in January will look the same as it does today, so if you’re going to make a decision do it now.”
Her words would be a storm in my heart that I would fight for weeks, as I felt lost on what to do. Then it would be a talk with my parents that would be the lightning strike to finalize our decision.
Now the beginning of October, I shared with my parents how overwhelmed I was with the storm inside me. The second round of deposits for our Italy wedding were due at the end of the month and I asked my parents frankly if I should continue to fight for this dream or bend to reality. Nick and I had already invested thousands of dollars into both weddings, should we take the risk of investing more if international travel to Europe is still banned and not even being talked about? Also, my friends and family are asking about booking flights while also dealing with more important life problems like being furloughed, home-schooling their kids, and health issues getting worse. They shouldn’t have to worry about the financial burden of a trip when other priorities take precedence.
My loving and supportive parents just listened to all of my fears until I got them all out, because they knew that’s what I needed. And then, when the entire picture was painted by my tears, I asked my father, “Dad – I need to know what is the right thing to do?” He is always definitive which I appreciate.
“Caila, the right thing to do is to cancel,” said my dad.
He made a great analogy and said, “It’s almost like you and Nick are betting on a horse with a broken leg. This wedding has been limping along the entire time. It’s sweet of you to think it’s going to heal and get better by next year, but it won’t. It’s ok for you and Nick to bet on the horse, but now that your friends & family are starting to look into booking travel – do you think it’s right to encourage them to take the same risk?”
And it was as if God was speaking through him directly to me. I know I don’t speak about religion often, but I needed divine clarity at this moment when I felt completely torn in two. Finally, I had a resolution in my heart and knew it was time to cancel. And just like that, I felt like I could breathe again. I wanted to do the “right thing” and for the longest time couldn’t see between the clouds what that was.
Nick and I discussed it together and came to the same conclusion. He always was more realistic about the possibility of cancelling, but he loves me so much he was going to fight for Italy as long as he could. We took the time we needed to process the big change privately. We had late night take-out and Netflix all weekend long, before telling a single soul. You are the last person on my list to tell actually. Appreciate you being kind and sensitive to our feelings as we close this door before opening the next one and starting to plan all over again.
With love,
Caila & Nick
I know it may seem silly to mourn a canceled wedding, but we had money and time invested, so we initially gave ourselves a weekend to just sit with our decision as a couple to be sure. Then Monday came around and I was almost stunned thinking to myself, “what do I do first.” How on earth do you go about canceling two weddings?
So for those of you in a similar boat, I thought I would share how we went about informing people and moving forward.
What to Do if You Have to Cancel Your Wedding Due to Covid
- Call your parents to inform them first!
- Inform your planner and vendors.
- Then call your wedding party, so they can get their money back if they’ve already booked.
- Let your guests know as soon as possible – via call, text, or “change the date cards” if you know your new venue.
- Make a list of every deposit and see if you can get a refund!
My heart goes out to all of you COVID-brides to be, I know this decision wasn’t easy. But know your selfless choice doesn’t go unrecognized and your relationship with your partner will come out of this stronger than ever. This tested your love and you passed with flying colors. All the love to you as you plan your new big day, no matter what it looks like or where it is. 🥰
Photography Credit: Hector Javier Photography
My heart goes out to you and Nick! My fiancé and I got engaged in December 2018 and picked our 10/10/2020 date right away. Everything was already set with our planner and vendors in 2019. Once Covid hit I knew we had to cancel my bachelorette trip to Barcelona in May, but stayed optimistic about our wedding. For months I was an emotional wreck- anxiety, depression, stress. I would only talk to my parents and fiancé about it because like you said everyone else was dealing with bigger issues. My fiancé also was more realistic about cancelling but stayed hopeful for me and just wanted me to be happy. Once I decided we needed to postpone I felt SOOO relieved and felt like a weight had lifted off my chest. Luckily we’re able to keep all our wonderful vendors and postpone til Nov 2021. 🤞🏼Know you guys are not alone and everyone is dying to celebrate you guys and your love on your wedding day
Author
Ugh, Lorraine I am so sorry about all of that! I totally get what you’re going through. I, too, was dealing with anxiety, depression, and stress. It is no easy feat. My heart goes out to you so much. I am so happy that you are feeling better now, your health (physical and mental) is always #1. So happy you guys have had some amazing vendors and are able to postpone until November. Wishing you all the best, you’re going to have an amazing day celebrating your love no matter when it happens!
As a COVID bride myself, my question is why cancel and not postpone? We made the really difficult decision to postpone from this past August to August 2021 rather than “cancel”, and having this second date to hold on to made it much easier to grieve! Also why did you cancel your state side wedding in July 2021 as well? A lot of people are hopeful for better times by next summer, at least with US regulations, why not keep your Ohio date? Was it because you want to do both international and domestic weddings at the same time? Or you no longer felt hopeful about July either?
Author
Hi Coco! We’re definitely still hopeful for 2021 but decided to start from scratch with the wedding planning since we have to make changes anyway. We actually have always toyed with the idea of getting married in Florida, but once we settled on Italy and Ohio put that idea on the backburner. Now that we’ve been forced to make changes, we thought, this is the time to make it happen! I hope you’re doing okay with being a COVID bride, too. I know how challenging it is! Wishing you the best <3
Thank you for the in-depth post and insight into your decision making. I’m sure it was a hard decision to make but worth it for the peace of mind. Thank you again for sharing!
Author
Thank you, Kim! It was hard decision but we have to be realistic and adapt with the times! I know whatever we do will still be amazing because we’re celebrating our love.
Hi Caila!
Thanks for always sharing and being so open! Sending love and good thoughts to you and Nick! I also am a bride during this time, and we had to cancel our big wedding plans and have decided to get married in a micro-wedding with our immediate family only in December this year. We don’t know when it will be safe again to have a large group together, but we look forward to eventually planning a party to celebrate with our family and friends one day when it is. The worry was too great to put anyone we love at risk and the unknown of when it will be safe to do our big wedding plan was overwhelming – especially the thought of losing our deposits on plans and continually pushing our wedding date and not knowing if it will be okay by then. Looking forward, this was our best decision for everyone involved and we are happy to move forward. You and Nick will have the most perfect day no matter where or when it is. Sending love your way! xoxo
Author
Aw Lindsay, 100% understand! I so feel you. You are too sweet. Having an intimate, micro-wedding in December sounds so lovely and romantic. I know that that must’ve been super challenging to decide, but you’ll be doing what’s important and marrying your love. You’re so right, there is always cause for celebration later on when things are safe again. Sending love right back at you! I just know your December day will be filled with love and joy
Wowww!! That could not have been easy but good for you guys! Your communication skills amaze me..so happy y’all talked it out & came to this agreement together 🧡
Author
Aww thank you so much, Dani! You are too sweet. It was a tough one but for the best <3
Really sorry to hear about this Caila ! But glad you’re at peace with and I’m sure wherever you have your wedding, it’ll be beautiful and memorable !!
Susan Books Etc
Author
Aw thank you, Susan! Things are definitely put in perspective and I feel lucky to have an amazing fiance I can’t wait to marry — even if it isn’t what I always pictured!
Thank you for being so considerate of your families and friends. It is such a difficult decision. I’m glad that you have a community around you to support in these difficult times
Author
Absolutely! So difficult but I have an amazing fiance and family to lean on.
Girl, I feel you! So many of us are experiencing the same thing and same emotions. We also canceled our wedding for this year and decided that for us, the best approach was to elope and then celebrate with everyone when it’s safe and when it will be a truly memorable experience. We are still doing the elopement ceremony kinda big and fancy, because it will be our actual wedding day after all. But I’ll be wearing my dream dress, he’s got his tux, and we picked a new location that probably was out of reach with the original plan and then we’re just going to make a little road trip out of it and have our own little mini moon. Honestly, it’s turned into the most romantic plan that highlights the most important part of a wedding – the bride and the groom getting married. Unfortunately due to some health restrictions, our immediate family won’t be able to travel with this virus lingering still, but we decided to live stream the ceremony so they still get to watch from afar. The point is, us 2020 couples got thrown some major curveballs and it’s been a blessing really. We grew so much going through this together and like you and Nick, built this incredible bond in our relationship. I feel like my fiancé and I can tackle anything life gives us and it made us truly appreciate what’s important – Health, family, friends, love. So big wedding, small wedding, guests, no guests, honestly none of that matters without the above. So, stand proud behind your decision (because it was the right decision) and remember that your loved ones will be waiting patiently to celebrate you whenever that day comes!
Author
Daniela — absolutely love this reply. You are so right, all of what’s happening has really put things into perspective and reminded us what’s important. While it’s not the wedding we’ve probably dreamed of since childhood, the new celebration will be even more intimate and romantic, and honestly probably even more special! Love that you’re still wearing your dress and tux, I think it’s still so important to feel special and beautiful, go all out! This day should still be amazing, plus will have incredible pictures. We’re lucky that with technology, loved ones can still be a part of the day by watching virtually. Tackling these challenges as a couple can only strengthen the relationship and make us all stronger. Thank you for this reply and being such a ray of light during a dark time! Wishing you all the best and congrats on your wedding!!
I’m so nervous about my wedding! Canada is much more strict on rules and I’m planning on getting married on the east coast July 2021 but at the moment you aren’t aloud in unless you quarantine for 2 weeks so I’m stressed!
Brianna | https://briannamarielifestyle.com/
Author
I totally feel your pain! I’m so sorry about what you’re going through, it is so stressful for sure! I hope you remember that your special day will be amazing as long as you’re with your fiance. Even though plans get cancelled, things have been put in perspective for me. Plus, there’s always time to celebrate in the future <3
I am really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A couple of my blog audience have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any advice to help fix this problem?
Author
Thank you, Alphonse! I haven’t had any issues with web browser compatibility problems with WordPress. I did experience some issues at times when I used SquareSpace, some lagging, not saving, etc. But I’ve been loving WordPress since I made the switch! Maybe that would help with you issues.
Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.
Author
Hi Melda! You can reach me at hello@withlovecaila.com if you’d like to shoot me an e-mail 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words about my website, so glad you enjoy it!
We had to cancel our wedding, too. My husband and I were supposed to have a small ceremony in France. I don’t have a large family, so we wanted to do something small and magical. We booked our wedding plans in July of 2019 for a small castle in South of France for Sept of 2021. By May of 2020, we realized we would not be able to travel to Europe and cancelled it. We had paid for everything in full, and couldn’t get anything back. It was super tough. My husband and I eloped on our original wedding day in the mountains near our home (just us), and it was magical. I understand the mourning of a wedding. It isn’t easy, and it sucks. You did the right thing! Your new plans will be magical as well.
Author
Wow, Melinda, thank you so so much for sharing. I am so sorry for you having to cancel that dream of a South of France wedding, it sounds like it would’ve been absolutely amazing. Your elopement in the mountains sounds just magical, no other words for it! I’m so happy for you that you guys were able to still get married on your special day and have an intimate and special ceremony. It sounds silly, but it does feel like a loss when we lose our original wedding plans. I know there are bigger things happening around us, but it is like mourning a loss of a dream. I love hearing about yours and other brides’ silver lining stories and am so happy to carry on with my new wedding plans! As long as I get to marry Nick I’ll be happy in the end 🙂
Good Details and very interesting take on the subject matter
This design is wicked! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
I have learned result-oriented things by your weblog. One other thing I want to say is always that newer pc operating systems usually allow much more memory to be used, but they furthermore demand more ram simply to function. If one’s computer can not handle far more memory along with the newest software package requires that memory increase, it is usually the time to buy a new Personal computer. Thanks
Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post.Thanks Again. Really Cool.