A 10th date Mr. Five O’clock Shadow.
He was quite dashing, especially in a suit. We had met on an app in New York City.
But not every relationship is meant to be, so I wrote him a letter….
Dear Mr. Five O’clock Shadow,
I’m sitting here at the airport waiting to board my plane to New York. I’ve already ripped out four pages thinking of the right way to start this… I’m just thinking about coming home and what I’m looking forward to most. When I’m honest with myself, I am most excited about cozying up in my own bed. But I feel like the answer is supposed to be you.
For some reason I feel oddly comfortable sharing everything with you… and I think that is what drew me to you in the first place. In the past I’ve held things in to protect the other person. Telling myself I would work through it on my own, but one day we both wake up with our hearts in different places. Love is supposed to be honest.
I don’t know why I don’t feel swept off of my feet. It’s something in me that I question often. We could date for a couple more weeks… but my motivations would be to show you all of the things that excite me in life. I just think you are such an amazing person that deserves memorable experiences and I would want to gift them to you. Like a surprise apple picking getaway where we stay out late and connect the stars or even bike across the Brooklyn Bridge to find those rainbow bagels everyone is Instagramming. But I shouldn’t be planning these things in my head just because you are a good person who I think deserves have these experiences. I should be planning the future in my heart, because I want these memories with you.
So that is where my head is… and I know I’ve said too much already, but I had to write my thoughts down. If I said these things to you in person, I most likely will change my mind… because I am a people pleaser.
I’m trying to think about why I feel this way… Why I don’t have butterflies and I’m ending things even before they really began. I just don’t want to waste your time.
The thing is you are adorable. In those little moments you get excited to try a new cuisine and show off your chopstick skills. The way you speak of your family and their persistence to have you eat more because you’re looking a little thinner these days. You are so sweet and I already know I want the world for you, I just don’t think I am the person to give it to you.
With love,
Caila
I really hope if this is who it has been rumored it could be the that you would not post something about a VERY PRIVATE PERSON who is a real celebrity not a wanna be.
Which celebrity was it?
This seems like a letter I want to give to my current guy whom I have been dating for about a month now. I don’t have butterflies either 🙁
Interesting… on your instagram you made it sound like he broke up with you! Something like the same old "it’s not me it’s you" line?
I was thinking the same…
Edit better sweetie…..
Whatever it is you’re looking for, Caila, don’t. It will come to you, at a time you least expect it and perhaps from someone you do or don’t already know, but it most certainly will. Knowing what that is, is more than half the battle.I hope this provides you just the slightest bit more confidence in that process than you had prior to reading this. That would make typing this more than worthwhile:)
My friend looks exactly like you!
Who was it rumored to be? ^
Love how you write.It’s amazing how people want to think who it is when u never gave out a name. So it’s still private people. Also, it’s amazing how they don’t understand how u write when I can understand what u said here. You are awesome. Keep sharing ur stories and more Caila .Love how you write and also gorgeous blog u have created.
Keep dating but when u least expect it the right man will come along who will make you have butterflies, will respect you ,treat you like a princess, and do all the things you want like the bike rides and make you feel like ur other half. Keep sharing ur dating stories. Congrats on this new beautiful blog.
I loved how descriptive you were. Good writing skills and beautiful blog Caila!
Dear Caila,
You did an outstanding job portraying your value of honesty and how you remained true to yourself by expressing your feelings in writing.
When I was a child, I was raised to learn that hope meant to never stop believing. Over the years, I’ve shared experiences with family, friends, and colleagues where hope was abandoned to make room for pessimistic expectations. However hope as a rule, cannot lose, not to despair, or any pessimistic expectations.
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all." – Poet born in Amherst, MA
Wishing you continued success in finding happiness, peace of mind and true love.
All my love,
William Mulholland
ha lol some of the comments here 10th date Mr. Five O’clock Shadow could be any man u dated in past not the one related to the ig pic she did folks. Even the pics here r different from the one w the other one. I hope u use that phrase again for a different guy in the future Caila. Some of these people don’t know how to think like writers I see. So keep sharing more about ur dating voyages in the future Caila. Excited to read more on them. You write beautifully. Also, massive Congrats on starting such wonderful beautiful site for ur fans like me and others who love to see what you will share with us. P.S we know the right man will come for you and be everything you expected when you least it expect it girly. All the best for you Caila in the coming with the blog and in life:) 🙂
Perhaps you’ve met him and didn’t know it? Think back to Los Angeles and trying something new….you took a photo of him, my son, and snap chatted it to the world. He stood there shivering in awe at the "goddess" who stood before him. Go to YouTube space in New York and meet him. He’s working there until November 18th. If only for a cup of coffee and a hello. He is (was) clueless about your TV fame and is only interested in meeting "you." Ask for Tyler.
With love,
A mom who loves romance too!
Guess many don’t seem like you Caila unique and wanting to have the butterflies and romance with someone who gets you completely to bring down the walls u have up. In time he will show up. The way you write a true romantic wanting to be wooed but feeling it right to the bone. Keep that dream and hope alive it will come. Congratulations on the new blog. It’s simply beautiful and can’t wait to see what else you bring with dating, travel, stye, and hope music as well.
Caila, please share your hair care routine. Your hair always looks so put together without looking like you’re trying so hard. It’s so thick and luscious…please share your secret!! <3
Thank you for sharing this. It was inspiring for other 20 something women who are just trying to figure life out. I look forward to reading more! ❤️
This is amazing, I love how honest you are with this blog
Brilliant how you write. One of these days soon you will find a man who will make you feel everything you want when you least expect it. He will also feel it. Can’t wait when you meet him and share that beautiful story. It will happen just keep living life what it throws at you until then. No doubt about it will be fun to read more on ur dating experiences Caila.
There are some grammatical errors in this post along with others on your website. I suggest a more in-depth proofreading method.
If you don’t like the way she writes, then find a different blog
Beautiful
Please can you put up a "shop this post," I am loving the knitted tops!
Very thoughtful and poetic. I am a fan of you finding love. I enjoyed watching you on TV and representing to all women how to be classy, feminine, and a woman of character. Thanks for showing the world how to be genuine and kind …and it still being attractive and beautiful. From following you on social media, I do noticed a theme of searching for something more and uncertainty in romantic relationships and being a marriage & family therapist, I highly recommend going deeper within your heart and mind through individual counseling. I’ve done counseling myself with my personal relationships and it’s brought so much answers to me. I think you’ll truly enjoy it as you seem to enjoy self-discovery and self-reflection. This post is to encourage, not to judge so I hope you don’t take it a negative way. Just out of care <3 may you contentment within yourself and your decisions! Wishing you the best!
Very sweet, Caila:)
Hey Caila! Just stumbled upon your blog and its pretty awesome. Its very beautiful but the font is quite hard to read because the contrast against the white isnt very strong. I want to read more but its sometimes hard on my eyes. Just a quick tip. Keep being awesome!
I just found your page, read this entry and was profoundly grateful that someone else put into words what I have felt so often. This feeling let me stay in situations that should have been released.
Even if it is too late to share with the other person, I now have the words to apply to my feelings.
Thank you.