So we just decided to cancel our weddings due to COVID-19. I have mixed emotions as I type these words with a tall glass of red wine to keep my company.
Our original dream in January 2020 was to have a destination wedding in Italy as if we were two simple romantics running away together. But that wasn’t feasible for most of our family, so we planned a second celebration locally in the Midwest to accommodate them. And after we were happy with our decision to have two ceremonies and tried to make our international dreams come true, on March 11th, 2020 COVID hit and had other plans.
We held onto hope as long as we could, but with travel to Europe still prohibited 6 months out – we had to make the tough decision to cancel. After weeks of sleepless nights and going back & forth we finally know this is the right thing to do. And we need to do the right thing.
Out of concern for our loved ones’ health and the unpredictability of international travel due to COVID-19, our Italy wedding had to be canceled & with that, we needed to start over stateside as well. So we actually canceled TWO WEDDINGS!
What was the tipping point on our decision to cancel?
Nick and I are both optimistic people. We originally gave ourselves the deadline of January 2021 to decide whether we would cancel our May 2021 Italy wedding. Secretly hoping the world might look different in a few months time with the election being past us and crossing our fingers for a released vaccine. I think giving yourself a deadline date is a smart way not to make a rash decision & give both partners time to come to conclusions on their own – before deciding together.
Our relationship grew stronger together as we held on to hope. Encouraging one another. Staying united as a team.
But a chance September catch up with a girlfriend would be the cold dose of reality I wasn’t prepared for. You see, I’m one of those people that – when I haven’t caught up with a friend in a while – I share everything like an open book; highs, lows, cheers, and deepest fears. I told her we were afraid we would have to cancel our wedding, but we would decide in January. My girlfriend I’ve known since college works in the medical field as a pediatric neurosurgeon and without hesitation, she responded with, “Caila the world in January will look the same as it does today, so if you’re going to make a decision do it now.”
Her words would be a storm in my heart that I would fight for weeks, as I felt lost on what to do. Then it would be a talk with my parents that would be the lightning strike to finalize our decision.
Now the beginning of October, I shared with my parents how overwhelmed I was with the storm inside me. The second round of deposits for our Italy wedding were due at the end of the month and I asked my parents frankly if I should continue to fight for this dream or bend to reality. Nick and I had already invested thousands of dollars into both weddings, should we take the risk of investing more if international travel to Europe is still banned and not even being talked about? Also, my friends and family are asking about booking flights while also dealing with more important life problems like being furloughed, home-schooling their kids, and health issues getting worse. They shouldn’t have to worry about the financial burden of a trip when other priorities take precedence.
My loving and supportive parents just listened to all of my fears until I got them all out, because they knew that’s what I needed. And then, when the entire picture was painted by my tears, I asked my father, “Dad – I need to know what is the right thing to do?” He is always definitive which I appreciate.
“Caila, the right thing to do is to cancel,” said my dad.
He made a great analogy and said, “It’s almost like you and Nick are betting on a horse with a broken leg. This wedding has been limping along the entire time. It’s sweet of you to think it’s going to heal and get better by next year, but it won’t. It’s ok for you and Nick to bet on the horse, but now that your friends & family are starting to look into booking travel – do you think it’s right to encourage them to take the same risk?”
And it was as if God was speaking through him directly to me. I know I don’t speak about religion often, but I needed divine clarity at this moment when I felt completely torn in two. Finally, I had a resolution in my heart and knew it was time to cancel. And just like that, I felt like I could breathe again. I wanted to do the “right thing” and for the longest time couldn’t see between the clouds what that was.
Nick and I discussed it together and came to the same conclusion. He always was more realistic about the possibility of cancelling, but he loves me so much he was going to fight for Italy as long as he could. We took the time we needed to process the big change privately. We had late night take-out and Netflix all weekend long, before telling a single soul. You are the last person on my list to tell actually. Appreciate you being kind and sensitive to our feelings as we close this door before opening the next one and starting to plan all over again.
With love,
Caila & Nick
I know it may seem silly to mourn a canceled wedding, but we had money and time invested, so we initially gave ourselves a weekend to just sit with our decision as a couple to be sure. Then Monday came around and I was almost stunned thinking to myself, “what do I do first.” How on earth do you go about canceling two weddings?
So for those of you in a similar boat, I thought I would share how we went about informing people and moving forward.
What to Do if You Have to Cancel Your Wedding Due to Covid
- Call your parents to inform them first!
- Inform your planner and vendors.
- Then call your wedding party, so they can get their money back if they’ve already booked.
- Let your guests know as soon as possible – via call, text, or “change the date cards” if you know your new venue.
- Make a list of every deposit and see if you can get a refund!
My heart goes out to all of you COVID-brides to be, I know this decision wasn’t easy. But know your selfless choice doesn’t go unrecognized and your relationship with your partner will come out of this stronger than ever. This tested your love and you passed with flying colors. All the love to you as you plan your new big day, no matter what it looks like or where it is. 🥰
Photography Credit: Hector Javier Photography
